Nations: Mania: CitizenshipNations: Mania: Citizenship
Does your idea of an exciting holiday involve getting away from the tourist traps? Would you prefer, say, long periods of detention in bare concrete cells, while genuine local people - large, uniformed, heavily armed local people - give you an intensive grounding in the language by screaming it into your ear for upwards of 20 hours at a time?
Are you the kind of real traveller who wishes to break down the barrier between tourists and indigenous population, and instead enjoy the kind of intimacy which only really comes from having someone's latex covered hand up your back passage? Do you seek to stretch yourself on holiday, perhaps to dimensions you previously thought attainable only by highly experienced actors in hard-core pornography?
If the answer to all these questions is yes then you don't need a specialist sado-masochist travel agent, all you need is your Manic Passport.
Simply present this travel document to customs and immigration officials anywhere in the world and you'll be sure to get them talking. Not for you the bored wave through to the taxi-rank: the Manic Passport guarantees personal service and undivided attention. Watch the look of envy in the eyes of fellow travellers as they see you whisked off in special government vehicles, often to enjoy free, extended stays at colourful state-owned facilities.
And while rank and file tourists are picking out duty free, you'll be sharing your cigarettes and indeed parts of your own body with those members of the indigenous population chosen to share your very special accomodation.
Busted, beaten, and buggered, and you owe it all to the world's least acceptable travel document: the Manic Passport.
But now the disappointing news: unfortunately, there is no way of applying for this entirely useless item. By its very nature and constitution, Mania is a one citizen state. Sorry.
However, I receive so many enquiries about Manic citizenship that I have decided to create an honorary citizenship, and the good news is that honorary citizenship will confer exactly the same status and rights as full Manic citizenship amongst the uniformed heavies who enforce the apartheid laws of international travel. (Bless 'em.)
The privelidges of honorary citizenshipIf you wish to be an honorary citizen of Mania, simply send your application to mania@mannyneira.com. Provide your name, or at least some words you wish to be identified by, a valid email address, a brief message for visitors to this site to read about the occassion of your becoming an honorary Maniac, and a picture which is ideally of you, but if not then at least of someone who isn't likely to sue either of us. Mania will be proud to annouce your new nationality to the world. If you have a website of your own, copy the honorary citizen graphic shown here and display it on your site with pride!
Honorary citizens of Mania will enjoy the right to tell people that they are honorary citizens of Mania, and have those people look oddly at them and say where?, which I think anyone would find worthwhile. Equally, if stopped by the police, one may sometimes avoid inconvenient delay, questioning, or even arrest, by saying Mi estas cxivitano Mania (I am a citizen of Mania) and then running away terribly fast.
Mania also awards to civil honours or gongs. The Friend of Mania is awarded to those who have made some personal contribution to Mania, such as providing technical help with the website or buying the President Guinness. The Hero of Mania is awarded chiefly to strangers, who deserve recognition for achievements of importance to internationalism, humanitarianism, or just joy.
The holders of these honours enjoy the right to use the letters F.O.M. or H.O.M. after their name, and to display the medal images below on their websites, print them on their stationary, or tattoo them on their bodies.
Here are named the Friends of Mania:
Gerry Byrne F.O.M. For generous and expert help in the creation of the national website of Mania
Lars Vilks F.O.M. For creating the nation of Ladonia, and making her Mania's first friend and ally
Here are named the Heroes of Mania:
Martin Luther King H.O.M. (Minister of Humanity) For justice
Rosa Luxemburg H.O.M. (Minister of Politics and Revolution) For brilliance and courage
Spike Milligan H.O.M. (Minister of Laughter and Tears) For being so funny it hurt, for being funny despite the hurt
The unknown rebel H.O.M (Minister of Liberty) For defying oppression
Ludovic Zamenhof (inventor of Esperanto) For services to internationalism