Nations: Mania: ConstitutionNations: Mania: Constitution
F J Lewis
Emeritus Professor of History
All Souls College, Oxford(The government of Mania wishes to thank the eminent scholar F. J. Lewis, Emeritus Professor of History at All Souls College, Oxford, and regular guest on the highly popular television show 'History Today', for providing a commentary setting the Manic Constitution into a proper legal and historical framework.)
When I was approached by President Manny Neira to annotate the historic Constitution of the Republic of Mania, I was naturally delighted to have this opportunity to investigate one of the most fascinating challenges to international law since the formation of the United Nations in the last century.
Does the Republic have a valid claim to sovereignty over the ever-shifting form of its territory? I have long been convinced that it does, and shall lay out my reasons below. However, as is well know by students constitutional law, my view was staunchly opposed by my old, old friend R B Compton, Professor of Law at Trinity College, Cambridge, in his paper 'Manic sovereignty: de jure vs. de facto statehood'. And who can forget his famous and witty comment 'If Professor Lewis declared himself an elephant, would he eat buns?'.
Some of the millions of
buns Professor Compton ateAs I explained to Professor Compton when we last met, however, this somewhat simplistic empirical approach to matters of legality would essentially mean that, for instance, any criminal act not detected and punished would be 'de facto' legal! His reply 'Would you eat buns? Would you? Would you?', rather monotonously repeated for the next seventeen minutes while he wandered around me, stooping, and dangling his arm in front of his face like an elephant's trunk, seemed rather to miss the point.
I was ultimately forced to point at that naturally I couldn't eat the buns, the chief reason being that there would be none to eat. This lack of buns, I pointed out, would have resulted from the indisputable fact that he must have eaten them all, or he wouldn't be so amazingly fat: and furthermore all he could say was 'blublublub' because of all the fat in his stupid fat mouth.
Vicky Pollard, who Professor
Compton loves and kissesThe Constitution's famous opening I, the person introduces the central argument for the legitimacy of the Republic of Mania: the wishes of its 'population', Manny Neira. By withdrawing his consent from the de facto government of the island on which he lives - the British state - he seems to present them with a dilemna: either accept he exists outside their sovereignty, or excercise their authority over him without consent and therefore in overt tyranny.
Naturally, the founding father of Mania did not expect this declaration to result in his exemption from British law, and so some read his declaration as a simple denunciation of all established states as tyrants, on the grounds that they all assume authority over people who do not consent to it.
However, this question of consent has troubled a number of critics, not least Professor Compton, who argues that by simply residing in the United Kingdom, and enjoying the 'benefits' of British government, President Neira consents to the rule of the British state.
If find this analysis unsatisfactory on three grounds:
1. Almost every square inch of land on the surface of the earth is claimed by one of the earth's 193 established states. President Neira has not decided to live within the boundary of one of these states, he simply cannot avoid it: and unavoidable behaviour cannot be interpreted as consent. A representative of the British state might as well lift him up, and ask him to indicate his consent to being governed by falling back to the ground when released.
2. By this argument, the Dutch living in German-occupied Holland during the Second World War consented to German military rule by failing to either abandon their homes or commit suicide: a reductio ad absurdum, surely.
3. Professor Compton eats cat food, he does, and goes yum yum when he's eaten it because he's so stupid.
R B Compton
Professor of Law, Trinity College, Oxford
Smells of weeWhen I last made this case to Professor Compton, he demanded to know if "I knew" the Deputy Premiere and Minister for the Department for Transport, Environment and the Regions, John Prescott MP. Nonplussed, as I failed to see the relevance of the question, I nevertheless conceded that I had knowledge of the Labour politician in question. His erroneous assertion "That's your mum, that is," convinced me that Professor Compton was indulging an infantile desire to offend in avoidance of these powerful arguments. I explained this, and diagnosed the probable cause as the fact that Vicky Pollard, of whose existence he admitted awareness, was actually his girlfriend, and more to the point he probably loved her and kissed her. By way of illustration, I imitated the what seemed to me probable sound of Professor Compton's lips on the well-known fictional character's face, several times.
Despite this lively exchange, and many very like it, Professor Compton and I remain divided on the issue of Mania. Ultimately, I must leave the reader to consider my analysis and then decide between my view, and that of Professor Compton, who (I think it only proper to point out) smells of wee and runs like a girl.
F J Lewis, Emeritus Professor of History, All Souls College, Oxford
In the text below, you may click on the title of any article to display a linked page of commentary and further related information. For instance, clicking on 'Article 2: Flag' will take you to a page describing the flag, showing diagrams of its construction, and investigating its symbolism. Naturally, the contents of these linked pages do not form part of the consistution, and are offered purely for interest and reference.
I the person hold that the only legitimate basis for government is the consent of the governed.
I refuse my consent to be governed by anyone except myself.
I denounce as tyranny any attempt by any government to claim authority over me without my consent.
I declare myself the only citizen of an independent state, founded on the following constitution:
ARTICLE 1: NAME
The name of this independent state is Mania.
"I AM A NATION!"ARTICLE 2: FLAG
The flag of Mania consists of a stylised M 3 units high and 6 units wide, reflected about its base, and centred on a white disk 8 units in diameter, itself centred against a black field 12 units high and 16 units wide.
ARTICLE 3: ANTHEM
The national anthem of Mania is the song What a Wonderful World, written by George David Weiss and Bob Thiele, and first performed by Louis Daniel Armstrong in 1968.
ARTICLE 4: LANGUAGE
The language of Mania is Esperanto, though foreign languages may be used as desired.
ARTICLE 5: TERRITORY
Mania extends through that part of the world closer to its person than to anyone else at any given time.
Mania enjoys sovereignty over this territory by virtue of its citizen being the territory's only inhabitant.
"YOU ARE A NATION!"ARTICLE 6: GOVERNMENT
Mania is a Republic, governed by its person acting as President.
The President is advised by a Cabinet of Ministers, whom he may appoint or dismiss at any time.
Ministers may be of any nationality; alive, dead, or inanimate; real, fictional, or conceptual.
Ministers need not be informed of their appointment and have no duties, though they may resign.
The President consults the Ministers by asking himself what they would do.
ARTICLE 7: DIPLOMACY
Mania recognises only states based on the actively given universal consent of their populations.
Mania seeks diplomatic relations and international cooperation with all recognised states.
Mania denounces all other states as tyrannies, and seeks their destruction and the liberation of their populations.
CXIU HOMO ESTAS NACIO! EVERY HUMAN IS A NATION!
Signed this day, the twenty sixth of December, in the year two thousand and five, in the Republic of Mania:
Manny Neira